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From    My    Heart    II

Don't tell me it was a mistake
Or that I should be ashamed
Look in her eyes
See the tiny woman I named
What mistake is there
In creating a life
At becoming a mother
While not being a wife
Ashamed of what
Not choosing an easy road
I chose to love in body and soul
Be ashamed of the life we sewed
I've done the best I could
For my little girl
I found her a family
Brought her into this world
And what about them
The beaming two
I helped their family
Made their dreams come true
So tell me again
Just what I did wrong
Where's the error
In creating a love so strong


I'm angry
And I'm allowed to be
I rage at the struggles within
I rage at the struggles around

I am the mother
I am the child
I am the savior
I am the destroyer

Too many roles
Too many fires
I am not an actor
Or an extinguisher

So put out your own fires
Play out your own lives
Make your own dinner
And find your own salvation

Today I am angry
And I am allowed to be
I rage at my fires
But today I refuse to rage at yours


Today I want to hold you
To cuddle, laugh, and sing
To feel a love so true
To tell you of wonderful things

Yesterday I enjoyed my freedom
I laughed, jumped, and played
I dreamt of days to come
I rethought plans already laid

Tomorrow who knows how I'll feel
Maybe guilt at yesterday's reveries
Maybe I'll pretend this isn't real
Maybe I'll revel in memories

Someday you'll be in my life
Then I could be a mother again
Then I could be a wife
Then all this will be "way back when"


It's sad to ask another to kiss you
It hurts to only hold you in pictures
It's hard to know that you are not mine
And I tell myself it's all worth it

The radio shouts of love and broken hearts
The TV teases with other's babies
The world moved on without you
And I tell others it's all worth it

They hold you everyday
They look into your eyes
They kiss your soft cheeks
And they know it was worth it

Everyday I swell with pride
Everyday I cry a little
Everyday I pray for you
And I believe you are worth it all

Get To Know Me
From My Heart III
poetry by birthmothers